danielle is angry.
VERY ANGRY.and so i need some, distraction to get me off my disgusted reaction now.
TEN FIRSTS:First Best Friend:My videotapes of Sesame Street and Disney Princess movies. I was a total Ernie,Elmo,Big Bird,Snow White & Co fan. I'd watch everyday repeatedly until i could start singing and saying each character's line even
BEFORE they said them.and i'd make sure i watched till the tape gave up and left the world in a rather non-peaceful demise , and then watch a second copy until it saw the same fate as the first.
First Nickname:I don't know. I never really had one, just mutations of my name i guess.
First Pet:
It's either this bird that my dad rescued and refused to eat until it met it's horrible starved end, or some goldfishes. I can't remember which came first. For the record my pet-or i should say, my first
real pet ( hey come on he's survived for 4 years and the few other animals that have graced my place met their end in like 2 weeks max) is now a hip-hop shihtzu magnate named Doo Bling. okay fine his name is really, Doobie. not that it doesn't have hip hop connotations. Doobie means pothead btw.
First Piercing:Oh it was the gaze of some hot young prince in a british tabloid. his gaze pierced through my heart. but i'm sad to say he's turned out to be quite a tootsie as years go by.oh. you mean physically? Ears. More specifically, my right side on New Year's 2004. My dad betted over the mahjong table i wouldn't have the guts to do it, and he won half of it cos i only came home with 1 side pierced. but anyway i've got it evened out and now i have piercings on both sides and my cartilage.
First Crush:When i finally got my pointe shoes and got up there and danced on my twinkle toes. Boy did my fatass self crush my toes.
First CD:I don't know. I think, it was Yamaha. Those you have to practise your lessons to. I don't exactly have pop CDs. Everything's mostly classical music. okay fine, so call me a geek.
First Car:A pink Cadillac baby.
First Alcoholic Drink:Sad to say, very patriotic Tiger Beer. I was 3 and I was curious as to what that adult drink was. It wasn't very nice to say the least, and I haven't grown to like it either.I'd stick to sustagen anyday.
First Kiss:now that's a private issue mister/miss-.
First Stuffed Animal:I have no clue. I have tons of stuffed toys, anyone can vouch for that. I bought dolls mostly when i was younger. But the longest one i have and refuse to get rid of is well, if you are close enough to me, you would know.
LASTS:
Last Alchoholic Beverage:Lychee Martini. Had a Mojito,Tequilla shots,Rum&Coke that night too.but that was the very last drink i had.
Last Car Ride:This afternoon. Godmom, Mom, Dad & Me for buffet brunch.
Last Movie Seen:Almost Love starring Kwon Sang Woo and Kim Ha Neul. I still say that KSW losing a leg was unpredictable, no matter how many people say korean shows are
just so predictable.Last Phone Call: Received from a certain bleeping individual whom i will not deign to name. Last one I called was Cherry.
Last Song Played:Haydn Sonata in F, Full work on the piano.
Last Meal: Brunch with my trusty diet pills today.
Last Time In Love:It's never ended.I'm still happily in love with my friends,family and myself, thanks for asking.
Last Time You Cried:On my way to Switzerland. I can't decide if it was the sheer joy of escaping, or the very fact that my deep inner voice tells me that Heidi truly exists till today, because I saw her cows grazing the meadows and Grandfather smoking his pipe outside his cottage with the Swiss Alps as the background as I entered the country. Oh it was magical.
EIGHT "HAVE YOU EVERS":Have you ever dated one of your best friends:I mean, every one of my boyfriends would technically be my best friend since I tell them
everything and he would know every minute detail of my life for that period of time.but. a real, long lasting best friend turned romantic relationship? good one. I don't think so.
Have you ever skinny dipped:hell yes. I dipped into wading pools when I was skinny.
Have you ever been on TV:Uhm. Yes. For apparently, not so good reasons to me, but extremely good reason to most people. Oh the humiliation.
Have you ever been drunk:What say you? Keep guessing at it.
Have you ever kissed someone, and then regretted it:Unfortch to say, totally. I have kissed many frogs in this short lifetime. But I won't say it's regret either since I always know what I'm doing.maybe more of a "what the hell was that?" moment.
Have you ever been stoned:I'm sure many times in the minds of some. They'd love to see me bleed and scream and paw in pain and of course, die.
It'll never happen. Get over it, skanks.-smirk-
SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING:1) Lace Dress
2) Chandelier Earrings
3) My hair straight
4) A smile
5) Lip gloss
6) Perfume
7) Lace Knickers (get over it you pervs)
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY:1) For the benefit of being goody, my dad,Miss Low's reputation and Mag.Sassman's ears-tinkle the ivories.
2) Eat my diet pills.
3) Muse about how long my nails are now and feel guilty about it.
4) Brought my foot down and refuse to let history repeat itself.-triumphant smile-
5) Not go to Zouk.
6) Tell the dog he's hairy.
FIVE PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:1) Libby&Cherry (3 of us come as a pack, buy 1 get 2 free.not including relationships or any sexual favours you pervs)
2) The boyfriend
3) Doobie
4) Fei Fei
5) Myself
FOUR FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER:1) Shopping&Methods of Payment (these 2 go together)
2) Girlfriends & then some
3) Things that make me happy (that depends on the situation it could be millions of dollars, Ben&Jerry's,Gucci,Vienna,Singapore-whatever.)
4) Life right now.
CHOICES:1) Black or white:White. Everyone knows the chic-est colour is white. And only the physically elite can look good in it,plus it takes effort to upkeep white stuff. It's one colour that exercises elitism.
2) Hot or Cold:It depends baby.In Singapore I'd say Cold, and in Vienna I'd say Hot.
3) Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate. Europe is chocolate heaven. You just learn diffuse yourself into that chocolate eating culture.
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:1) Buy all the bags I can possibly have in this world.
2) Find the Elixir of Immortality and then, such possibilities and fear of not doing what i want to do ever will never happen.:)
such quizzes always force me to bare my soul. -fond smile-
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`10:05 AM]
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
sometimes you can't make it on your own;right now i feel like crying. for reasons that i can't fully express here-some things can't be aired in public
just like that,and people
talk. okay so fine i'm blogging for nothing. no juicy details here, no good gossip. not that any of you will get anything out of me.
i think it's disgusting how my life has rapidly evolved to a superficial existence of it's own. it's sick the way i spend my rapidly-dwindling "fortune" without a moment's thought in passing, and it's plain sick the way i live an extravagant lifestyle, even more so when it's not my own money. so it isn't like i have to share. but still. the concept of money never really played a role in my life, and i'm afraid it'll continue later on and burn me even more. i need to get a grip on myself. it's everyday that i somehow find something,anything to buy, the needless way i scoop up things that is just plain appalling. i think perhaps i could even say, retail therapy is the very sustenance for me. i mean for god's sake i don't even own a bank account, because i never wanted to save, not that i even have a knack for it. i think that's all there is to me-just one ol' plain girly facet, which amounts to
shopping. i just constantly revolve around the latest trends, the hottest brands, chanel luxury bowling bags, swarovski encrusted everything even to the point of headphones, and now some weirdass hunt for my little ponies and carebears just because it's cute. oh and even my toys, say teddy bears, easily cost four figure sums.bascially my life revolves around wants, and never needs. that's how wasteful i am.
and then there's the thoughtless way i treat myself-the smoking and diet pills and hard partying and so much more. and of course the many, many kfeds that i constantly deal with in my life.i can definitely do better, or at least do without bummers,but i
never do. for some odd reason i keep ending up with one, and then another, and then a third and the cycle never stops. and then i punch myself in the stomach and say "danni don't be a tootsie" and even mom says so but i never,
never listen. and so each time i lose my temper and say never again will it happen, and the next thing i know, the same thing happens and hits me in the face. and then you still have got me-i wonder how you are, but i know everything's broken and even a simple how are you will not garner a civil response. and i admit it's tough to deal with that. i mean, how do you just suddenly separate and become total strangers with someone you have known for quite abit,and been with every waking hour for a good period of time? with whom you've shared a good deal of yourself, and perhaps was a good part of you too? it's all too hard.
right now i just want to return to europe where life's so much simpler and perhaps go to disneyland paris for a few days. where neverland springs to life and your worries are left at the door. you step into the now, and the past, and future are nothing. there's no history of me, no particular memory,and people just don't know who the hell i am. here gossip gets around and everyone, everyone stares and talks about you. and then i get controlled, by life, and my thoughts,emotions and memories.
i want to talk to you, but i know i can't. and also maybe because you are a stranger to me now, and so am i to you, so maybe memories should be left where they are.
lucky i am, so who the hell am i to nitpick so much with my life?it's just so much discontentment i don't know where to start, and what really has gone wrong.
i need to find direction.
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`10:20 AM]
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Friday, June 16, 2006
Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
it's ridiculous
It's been months
And for some reason I just
can't get over us And I'm stronger than this enough is enoughNo more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be
That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
Leave me alone
Stupid love songs
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio
Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
why can't I turn off the radio?
Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
why can't I turn off the radio?
maybe i shouldn't have turned around and walked out on you when you grabbed me by the wrist and said ich liebe dich. and maybe i shouldn't have hopped on the first plane home when things got rough. or maybe i should never have called.
genau, meine liebe,genau.i never should have called.
ich denke dich noch immer, aber das ist wichtig nicht mer. ich horen alles, und dann wir schluss. das ist meine probleme nicht mer. ich liebe dich, aber nicht mer, oder? ich weis nicht. wielich du liebst mich, aber ich weis nicht mer, und ich weis wir kann wohnen zusammen nicht mer. ich gesagt wir sind freund, aber das ist impossible. mein herz ist dein nicht mer, und ich hast du. ich hast du, oder? ich weis nicht nicht mer, aber ich denke dich, ich mochte dich.
maybe i'll give it a shot.
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`11:28 PM]
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Thursday, June 15, 2006
where did it all go wrong;i never thought i'd say this,
but.
I MISS VIENNA.to be honest i left because things got too complicated, too messy. i wanted to runaway and leave the mess behind, and also hopefully, hope that time would have sorted it all out.things got too dangerous, i played with fire and forgot it
burns. so i got my butt up and did a disappearing act as usual when the going got tough. i mean, when i left 5 people were out of jobs,someone lost her boyfriend, and one club was in a mess
thanks to me. and that was only the wreck i created in a single night.i mean, my heavy partying actually made someone throw away his/her job because apparently it got too much to handle. and that's just only the beginning of it.
then i thought that since i've run almost everywhere already, and i was suitably tired and craving for something familiar and not the newcrazyandrelin rush, perhaps it was time to come home. and now things are happening, but i'm chained, and
i can't run at all.the two separate lives are getting too much to bear, too hard to handle. i'm bewildered by this mess, yet noticably calm, maybe from my lack of direction.
for some odd reason tonight i feel emotions rushing up and down through me, and i really wonder how you are doing now. i want to say something, but i can't reach out after what i said last. i don't know what you think, what you want, how you feel. your mixed messages and actions drove me crazy,and my own doings did it in for us. you knew i was notorious for being a p******l and you saw it in motion for yourself.but i never, ever meant for it to turn out this way, at all. for some odd reason i think we both got a kick and a rush from hurting each other, and then everything was broken. but i hope you are doing well, really.
evenififeelandneverfeltanythingforyou.
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:58 AM]
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Friday, June 09, 2006
stars are blind;oh.my.holy.bejeezus.jimmy choo is opening.
like, somewhere in takashimaya.
oh crap.
and you know what?
it makes me supercrazy nervous when my parents tell me to save up.
like,2 pack fag puffin' jittery.
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`11:08 AM]
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Monday, June 05, 2006
too strong for too long;i've been thinking if i should allow this blog to stop existing completely, or to move on to a new one. it's been awhile since i've updated, and as i feel as though a new phase of my life has started, so it's time to say goodbye to this blog. but it's hard to let go because the whole chunk of rubbish i've written in here, heartfelt and sincere, has made me who i am today. it is a part of me, of my history, and it serves as a reminder for my past mistakes, and that i can always flip through the pages and remember every single funny incident that happened. and it's a sketchbook of singapore for me, to look through and remember each one of you as im on my way to new destinations.
it's hard to decide when i want to say goodbye, the reins of freedom are in my own hands, and i wonder if i'll abuse it again, and again. there are times in my two weeks here i feel like throwing in the towel and jetting off-i'm too comfortable with the mentality of escapism, and i run off to a new place when things get hard to bear with. it's funny how i deal with the loss of freedom by allowing for freedom to reclaim me again. i mean, no one can ever get you when you are constantly on an airplane.oh well.
i've been eating much but not trawling the streets of singapore as of yet unfortch. for some odd reason i just have no interest to get out and look around in the shops. perhaps i'll do so tomorow. just some nice alone shopping time with best friends me, myself and I. but still! i do see friends, and here are some photos to show what my past week in singapore has been like.
catching up with bosom buddies, slimming pills and cigarettes. i've gotten way way way too fat, so this is my measure to keep up the end of what i supposedly had-"good genes". i need to shift 4 kg.hopefully this SSV-"smoke, starve and vomit" diet works.
getting lots of girl time-gym,hot baths and girl talk with my long time buddies.
snacking at 4am with the NS-bound people. jet lag helps to keep me awake!
fooling around with helmets. i think it's cute how grass grows on top of my head.
catching up on lost time, and long overdue dates with the boy.
but it doesn't mean that i have forgotten my best friend, the one who cuddles in my bed with me every night and steals my teddy bear, who gets into trouble for me, and ultimately my big sister.
the girl's in paris right now without me, thanks to my sudden departure. but distance doesn't break friendships apart so we still talk everyday and all's good. can't wait to get back to europe and go to paris disneyland soon with her!
i miss all of you though, and i want to catch up with all those people whom i haven't seen!
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`1:01 AM]
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