recap.
the white ball at ritz-carlton yesterday was an air-kissing, frou-frou, unbelievably boring ball.and of course, as the name suggests, everything was all white. nothing really much to scream about, so there.
pigging out with mom and godmom today.
miscellaneous photos first.
my two most loved ladies in the whole wide world!
the only 2 such phones in singapore- one owned by me, the other by my godmom.
tea at my favourite tea place at the esplanade.
winter pear cotton cake with vanilla gelato and butterscotch dribble. sweet!
bailey's irish cream liqeur cake with 6-8 shots of bailey's,chopped walnuts and whipped cream served warm. super bitter and rich.
grand marnier orange liqeur cake with 6-8 shots of grand marnier, lemon zest and orange cubes served cold. very sour and citrusy.
my hot rummy cocoa in a hug mug. don't be fooled by it's innocent appearances. very very strong alcohol content. extremely bitter. godmom took a sip and was super shocked. coupled with the bailey's cake, it was enough to get me suitably relaxed. mom was so sure i'd get high, but of course i didn't. :) for the inquisitive, mommy had a triple layer cafe latte, and godmom had a masala chai that was according to her, really really good.
dinner at thai express.
green mango salad.
green chicken curry and calamari. the curry wasn't very good, but the calamari's pretty yummy!
glass noodles with prawns. tangy and slightly spicy. it's positively yummilicious! try it.
olive rice.
glutinous rice with mango. i always thought it's supposed to be served cold, but thai express serves it warm. it's pretty edible. but definitely not a must-try.
anyhow, danni's decided to change! she wants to be a good sweet girl. and so she's decided to stop spending so much money. and she is very proud to say that she didn't spend that much today. applause, everyone!
stella mccartney shoes bought for mom.bought the similar pair in bronze for myself. and of course it's not bought with my parents' money. it was bought with my own hard-earned money. and what about my dad? i'm giving him money to buy whichever handphone he wants. i love my daddy and mommy plenty!
to drive home the point that she's changed, danni rejected clothes from all shops except one. but that's also because she was too lazy to try on clothes. anyhow, she's definitely changed.
clothes bought today.
paisley print spaghetti and bohemian long ruffled skirt.
chiffon lace top and flounced bohemian skirt.
satin lace ribboned top.
baby blue paisley ruched babydoll.
leather laced-up denim striped corset with lace straps and flouncy boho skirt.
white ruched babydoll tube/halter.
paisley bohemian ruffled top and flouncy boho skirt.
white elvis tank and boho skirt.
yellow elvis tank and buckled corduroy skirt.
white babydoll and denim destroyed skirt.
white knitted lace top with lace boho skirt.
white cotton lace tie up with knitted blue cardigan.
tropical print corset top.
plus some polo tees in different colours.
each piece averages 150SGD. you do the maths.
mom's buying the rebel queen tee for me tomorrow. now to decide if i should get it in brown,beige or white.
that's all i've bought, really. i'm starting to be a master of self-control aye! ashley says i really should stop buying clothes, but i always sneak them past him. or i'll just say each one's the last piece. but i've really cut down on the amount of clothes bought.tee hee.
and because danni changed, she's given up a trip to taipei just so she can stay in singapore to do her applications. fully paid shopping trip forgone. oh the heartache.
day out tomorrow with musa, and a piano concert in the evening with daddy. so much for a cut in days out. it will change soon enough.
calling a alumna of the vienna school tomorrow-elliysia. still unbelievably reluctant to go. dad's written down a whole list of questions for me to ask her. but i guess he senses no enthusiasm from me. according to the sound of music, the only dishy fellow in vienna would be Captain Von Trapp, whom i really don't think is that dishy and is probably really old in this very day, and the children wear clothes made out of curtains. plus, their idea of fun is to climb hills and sing doe a deer. it appears that there's no such thing called fashion nor clubbing down there. which is perhaps why i'm being sent to vienna. oh the horror.
still chewing on my pencil end thinking of questions for her. help, anyone?
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:35 AM]
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005
i absolutely
hate my hair. i've this love-hate relationship with it, and it's been through a helluva changes this year thanks to my flippant and fickle mood. oh hell yeah i've learnt not to colour it green or copper and re-curl it ever again. for now it isn't perfect or bloody gorgeous, but it'll do. and i'm off the frequent visits to kevin till the day before vienna. it's going to be nice and long, albeit less thick, with sweet loose waves and a nicely swept fringe thank you very much. although it's not going to happen anytime soon.
shopping + danni= catastrophe
so i was watching CNA's
what men want...really today. the highlight was on men and their shopping habits. and there was something that najip ali said that struck a chord with me. the evil "buy me..buy me...BUY MEEEEE" call from whatever item you're eyeing. and then before you know it you get suckered into it, and you totally fall for it. najip says options are the modern sin in shopping, and i totally agree. different variations of a certain item, colours, slight tweaks in styles- you love them all. and to solve the problem, you buy them all. which is what i always do. and then there's the method that i've started practising, the
three day withdrawal symptom method. whereby if there are many options, or im not too keen on the item since it doesn't have any particular function , i wait for 3 days before deciding if i should buy it. which doesn't really work either because i'm a firm subscriber to instant gratification, and if i want something, i get it whether it's fantastically useful or not. take for example my tarina tarantino necklace. it proved a source of trauma for me for days, constant whinging and whining, and disturbed sleep all for a hello kitty necklace that's completely wiped out across the states. my neck felt completely desolate and lonely without the companionship of the cutest kitty necklace ever. and of course i got everyone to hunt across the continents for it. and of course i got my necklace in the end, even if it's ripped off paris hilton's neck.
point is,
i really love my tarina tarantino pink head necklace.i know. that sentence probably didn't really tally with the above paragraph. pardon me cos i'm busy on the phone deciding which tarina necklace i should get cos aunt may's in tarina tarantino and perusing all the necklaces so she can buy the one i want, yes i really got people to search all over the world for it, and as i speak the necklace is being brought back to me. and also because it's really late and i'm rather tired and superbly distracted by other new items that have caught my eye.
to answer passerby,
*all prices are in SGD*
price of catwalk shampoo and conditioner: 50 dollars in total
price of halloween chocolate: 10 dollars per box
price of cookies: 450 dollars in total
price of candy: 65 dollars in total
price of belvedere vodka: 45.90 per bottle
price of champagne: i'm not too sure, i think it's probably about 60 dollars per bottle?
price of hello kitty loot: 300 dollars in total
price of fiorucci necklace and ring: 250 dollars in total
price of fiorucci bags : 300 dollars in total for 2 bags
price of teddy bears: 1400 dollars in total for both bears, one's about 600 and the other, 800.
price of clothes bought: 350 in total for a skirt, a cardigan and 2 tops.
price of motorla razr v3: 800-900 dollars. but i'm thinking of changing it to a swarovski-encrusted t-mobile sidekick II instead.
price of nicky hilton samantha thavasa star bag: 650 dollars for the small size.
price of tarina tarantino pink head necklace: 350 dollars for 1.
price of love of parents:
pricelessultimately it's not the amount of money they spend on me, but it's the love and willingness to give that they shower on me. no doubt the presents are a plus,and i love every single bit of the privileges im given, but it's definitely nothing to the love i have for my parents and vice versa.
it's a pity you couldn't see past that.and it's the love that my dad has for me despite me being a total letdown most of the time, that he's pushing and forcing me to leave despite my tearful protests and constant snapping at the thought of going to vienna. i don't think i can muster the courage to leave for such a faraway land, and speak a totally new language that i'm new to all by myself. but like i know it's all for my own good, and despite my not wanting to go anywhere and to just rot at home in singapore, his " even if you die you're leaving" attitude shows just how much he actually cares despite nonchalant appearances. i think i'll cry bucket loads when i get my letter, because it's highly likely that i'll definitely get accepted by vienna after all.
i'm sorry i snapped at you today
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:41 AM]
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Monday, October 24, 2005
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through
Into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behindi met the love of my life at KM's place today.
he's unbearably sweet, has a adorable round head, armed with a big happy grin, tan in place and has
long limbs.
everybody say hello to curious george! the hippest new fashion icon in LA. super cute! i shall kidnap him the next time i go. it was a mistake to leave him behind.
curious george and his banana girl.
so we caught the major cheeseball flick of the year. it was the charity premiere so dragged myself even though i was plenty relucatant to go. legend of zorro was plenty of corny moments, but the pace was good and i rather enjoyed it despite it's lame moments of catherine zeta jones collapsing into antonio bandera's arms before a passionate casablanca/gone with the wind-esque length tongue workout. and joaquim's really cute. i'd give it 3.5 stars.
gear for today.long sleeved ribbed top, bohemian bronze chain and denim skirt with boots.
joy,me,cherry.
the inner minah and the inner ah lian.
there's been a major shift in tertiary education plans. shanghai's still open, but daddy's now looked further and set his sights on vienna. so basically, if i don't make it to vienna, shanghai conservatory's my safety school. hopefully everything works out fine, although at this point in time it's highly likely i'll really end up in vienna over shanghai. and i'll be there super early because i need to master german, which isn't my strongest language. will start applying for vienna within the next 3 days. keep your fingers crossed for me!
need to do some major zonking out. so it's goodbye to you in my fantabulous new pink leopard print pj's! super comfy. and no im not missing any shorts. this is exactly what i sleep in. got satin lace slips too, but i'll save them for wearing out instead of wearing it to bed. lingerie's rather nice for day wear too.
goodnight.
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:43 AM]
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
I'm awake, you're still sleeping
The sun will rise like yesterday
Everything that we are now
Is everything we can't let go
Or its gone forever, far awaythe past few days have been quite a bit of going out, which also equates to no studying. there was the reverse bungee which was quite a ride, a mixture of thrill and will, and alot of other things which for now i cannot seem to remember. the reverse bungee's quite good, i'd say all you crazy bored people, go try it! they have a videocam throughout the ride, and after the ride ceddo,jacq and i viewed it. somewhere during the first part when we were falling,tumbling 360 degrees back towards the ground, you could distinctly hear me screaming, "I WANT A WHITE COFFIN PLEASE!". so proof of how chicken i am, and i wonder if it's quite amazing that in such desperate times i actually remembered my P's and Q's.
so the mom's back and i've got my belated birthday present(s) from the parents.
travel in comfort always. and have loads of luggage. my mom left with half a luggage and came back with 6, in the space of 4 days. and of course she didn't have a baggage weight limit.
and we start on my birthday presents, or some of it.
catwalk fashionista shampoo and conditioner. im currently using bedhead dumb blonde, but i'll try this out and tell you guys if it's good! an essential birthday present.
cutesy halloween chocolate! another essential birthday present.
boxes and boxes and boxes of cookies. all from japan. and that's only half of what i got.
candy! all from japan too. super duper yummy. and the hello kitty ones look so cute!
belvedere vodka. i wanted absolut raspberri but my mom said it's rubbish. anyway it's a gorgeous bottle, and the picture of the house is actually a painting inside the bottle. it's a piece of art.
a few bottles of champagne!
mounds and mounds of hello kitty goods! from pouches to necklaces!
boxes and boxes of accessories! from boho vintage pieces to pearl earrings! gorgeous!
fur bag. it looks horrible here but it's gorgeous in real life! kinky! and there are hobo bulga bags too!
steiff the night before christmas teddy.
steiff violinist teddy. i'm a collector of steiff teddies! it's very rare througout the world. but daddy has a bigger passion for it.
pink motorola razr v3! super fit! love it! previously owned the silver one, then lost it in a span of 3 days thanks to daddy. which is also fine since everyone seems to be owning the razr in either silver or black. it's become a commodity, and it's going for a super low price. the pink version's limited edition and only sold in the states. nicole richie's using it. will receive it in dec when my uncle comes down. but i don't think i'll use it cos i don't like the functions of the phone. anyhow, it's pretty!
samantha thavasa star bag by nicky hilton! gorgeous! i love it! it's the pink one that paris is carrying, but i got mine in white/gold. yum!
got tons of clothes as well, and lingerie.tarina tarantino's sold out, but the secretary's located it so i'll get my necklace in 2 weeks. i love the necklace! and there's the hello kitty earrings ceddo bought from japan which are super duper sweet! will show more pics of the other items soon.
charity premiere of the legend of zorro tomorrow. got tons of tickets thanks to crazy donations. have no idea what the movie is about, but it should be fun. hopefully it'll be my last day out.
I hope tomorrow is like today
Don't you go away tomorrow
I don't think I could handle that
You're probably dreaming that you're flying on
Then you start to fall
But then you rise, and shine forever
Don't go awayI hope tomorrow is like today
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:04 AM]
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Friday, October 21, 2005
We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of
There's nothing like you and I
We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago
There's nothing like you and I
We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of
There's nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and I
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:01 AM]
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apartin the space of 3 sentences, i grew beyond my years.the tears threaten to overwhelm me, choke me, suffocate me. it lulls me into periods of misery,of hate, of confusion, of desperation.
i'm at a loss. there are the people who tell me what to do, but perhaps, that isn't what i want. perhaps all i need is just a listening ear.
you've always been there for me. every tear, every fall, every triumph, every peal of laughter. and now it's my turn to do the same.
like it or not, perhaps the responsibility rests on my shoulders.
and i
love you so. you've given me your life, your everything. now it's my turn. and just like you sacrificed, i will sacrifice my dreams to be with you. till the very end.
i love you.and the thought of losing you scares me so.
'Cause I believe
That love is the answer
I believe
Love will find the wayi've never prayed harder for a miracle.
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`7:22 AM]
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005
it was only a kissim sorry i lead a better life than you.so friday's dare involves me screaming "hawaii wakiki huskey!" during takeoff. it's this phrase that i say now when taking photos in place of saying "cheese!". i highly doubt i'll be able to accomplish it since i'll prolly be too freaked out by the sudden burst and soaring into the air. i hate to admit it, but i'm definitely no wild daredevil. rollercoasters are fine, swinging revolving rollercoasters are fine,the superman ride at six flags is totally fine. but to be launched into air without any visible support save for a seatbelt, it's practically free-falling 60m to your death, which scares me somehow. but i'm still all up for it. and i've already agreed to take it twice.
it begins with a tiny pin prick. a little tittle, a dot, a pixel. it expands with the angry vigour of a spinning top;into a hole, a gap, a parting.bold and desolate with it's coldness. with a weery smoke, it stretches like darkness into the brillantly golden-orange-purple of the evening sky. it fades away.
you thought you could hurt me, but nothing about you matters to me anymore. in fact, it hasn't for the longest time. you read too much into what i say. then again, why do my words matter to you at all?
how did it end up like this?
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:05 AM]
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I saw an old friend of ours today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over youYou're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
For you leavin' came easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm letting you go
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
You took the love that you wanted and left me the misery
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
When you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over youthe words speak for themselves.
the day was pretty good. exhausting. lots of new clothes, and some new fragrance i got from anna sui. so i'm happy. tired now, so photos up soon.
goodnight.
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`8:59 AM]
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Monday, October 17, 2005
I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone.
All my dreams pass before my eyes in curiosity.
Dust in the wind.
All they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song.
Just a drop of water in an endless sea.
All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see.
Dust in the wind.
All we are is dust in the wind. life's been good. meeting up with different friends, doing all sorts of things. but this week shall be a laidback one. study group tomorrow with cherry, ladies night at an undecided location with the girls and reverse bungee with jacqueline and ceddo on friday, followed by zouk's re-opening party.
plans for shanghai are going full steam. my guardian's been visiting all the shanghainese schools to see which would suit me better, but so far there's not a particular one that she's crazy about. apparently most of them are too local. daddy's still fixed on the shanghai conservatory of music. i've always veered towards beijing, but we'll see. studies in shanghai have already been deferred one year and i've stayed on just to complete my A's, so i guess i can't afford to take a gap year and travel around and have as much fun. i'll probably be stuck quite frequently in singapore till march 06' until i finish my music auditions and exams, which also means i'll cut my planned trips a lil shorter since i need to study for the exams. it seems like there's an never-ending need to study. so much for "you can play after your A's". and my parents are squabbling over where my accomodation plans. dad wants me to live in the hostel, but mom wants me to live with the guardian. the guardian's a nice single lady, and she's actually taiwanese. apparently she's quite motherly, so i guess it'll be fine either way. at least i get my own room with the guardian. i'm not too picky i guess, all i need is just a clean bed and bathroom, air-con and heater, telephone and internet access. pretty much the basics, and i'm happy.
i'm stuck between 3 necklaces i want to get from HK.
hello kitty again. i love the quirky nature of these necklaces. it's completely sold out in LA, and many celebs have been seen wearing them, from cameron diaz to paris hilton. it's so fit! love it. maybe i'll just buy all 3.
off to town. im in town practically everyday from 11pm onwards.it's great since i can go sans makeup and don cut and flipflops with a baggy shirt with a messy ponytail,oversized shades,occasionally hugging my furry best friend along,and no one cares. and everyone pigs out at swensens. late night feasting. major yum.
Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.
It slips away and all your money won't another minute buy.
Dust in the wind.
All we are is dust in the wind.
Dust in the wind.
Everything is dust in the wind.
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`7:06 AM]
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Sunday, October 16, 2005
Baby taught you better then me
Then why you fall asleep
Shove 'em off and stay, what you used to do to me
If your better off that way
Baby what I like to say
Go on and do your thing and don't come back to meit's funny how someone's life can be summed up in little soundbites and phrases.
perhaps on a superficial level, but yet, a reflection on their day-to-day life and thoughts. shallow, yet deep with hidden meaning. laughable, yet it's things that mean the most to them.
and i get curious, i click on the link, allowing me entry into your thoughts and your daily life. my eyes flit across the page, and i get glimpses into your inner emotions.i decide that the glimpses aren't meant for me. i feel sorry, for the intrusion of privacy. but curiosity gets the better of me, and i carry on reading anyway.
i think she is your perfect match. words, words, words. signifying nothing, but yet everything. and you entertain thoughts that are perhaps, bad for you. hurtful, to you, but to me all the same. foolhardy, you're just waiting to get your fingers burnt. but it seems like they have. your heart, your eyes, teary,singed from the fire of Love. but you choose to carry on. just like i did.
you should know better than to play with fire.
I don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you movin
I know when you in the house or when you cruisin
It's been proven, my love you abusin
I can't understand, how a man got you choosin
Undecided, I came and provided my
My undivided, you came and denied it
Don't even try it, I know when you lyin
Don't even do that, I know why you cryin
I'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know
That I don't wanna let you go
And I don't wanna let you leave
Can't say I didn't let you breathebut you never learn.
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`5:48 AM]
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Thursday, October 13, 2005
Damn...how did things get this way
You know I still love youso i went to the hospital today for my routine checkup.
dr tan: how have you been feeling the past weeks?
me: oh i'm fine.
dr tan: really? any particular point in time you felt very depressed?
me: no. hmm come to think of it, yes.
dr tan: when? and what did you do or feel like doing?
me: when i was watching my korean drama. -rambles off into the story of sth-
dr tan: that's good. have you been going to school?
me: no, can't be bothered.
dr tan: have you been keeping up with your late nights?
me: no. -crosses fingers-
dr tan: have you been keeping up your drinking and smoking habits?
me: no. -crosses toes in addition-
dr tan: did you experience any attacks?
me: yes, 2 days ago.
dr tan: have you been taking your medications?
me: yes. of course, absolutely. -crosses eyes in addition to the toes and fingers-
dr tan: okay let's give it a check.
me: must we? it's painful, can we move on to other things?
dr tan: no. -does the routine stuff- hmm... you haven't been taking your medicine! you must take if not...-nag nag nag-
i will never take the medicine. unless like you threaten to kill my parents and my dog, nothing else can force those things down my throat. they taste terrible, and did i mention how fucking-ass HUGE they are. so many types, and they all taste horrible, and i can never remember which to take before food and which to take after. it's almost as though my meals now just consist of this whole cocktail of pills all the time. other than that, i do love dr tan. she's my therapist too, and although much as i hate to broach the topic, she forces me to confront it and analyze his and my mistakes. and she's also reminded me so many times of what fantastic friends i have, so i guess each time i learn to focus on the current and let go of the past.
No matter what I say
No matter what I dolunch in bugis with the girls today and april snow with libby at suntec. april snow was rather draggy actually, but good in a sorta-artistic way. but i don't really think i'd reccomend it. i'd give it about 3/5 stars. oh and the ben&jerry's scoop parlour was a total letdown. they possess a very myopic scope of flavours available.
received an invite to this fashion house party in november. i love their items, and they've brought in fantastic stuff. take a look at what they have.
Catherine Maladrino? check. Alice & Trixie? check. Betsey Johnson (our fave)? check. Blue Cult? check. Citizens of Humanity? check. Juicy everything? check. Stella McCartney? check. Robert Cavalli? check. Fifi & Romeo? check (yes, Fifi & Romeo too). Plus the best vintage collection you will ever find on this side of the planet (trust us, we've been to everywhere!). Just don't blame us for letting you loose in our coming house party, hiaks!
i want cavalli jeans, and i'm definitely buying fifi & romeo, along with vintage dresses. fifi & romeo's the hippest dog boutique in LA. paris hilton's tinkerbell dresses up in items from there. i've been wanting to get stuff from them for the longest time, but it's very very very difficult to get items from them. so it looks like we've hit the jackpot. it's been so long since these people have had a house party, and i really do love the parties and the items they have. entry is strictly by invitation. and i'll prolly bring daddy along again, because the last time he went he was totally confused by all the girls. the ladies just plopped him on a sofa, passed him a drink and told him to sit back and relax, which he really did. and he actually gave good advice for once, and paid happily. i think he likes shopping there. and of course i'd benefit from his chequebook. so hurrah! for me.
oh yes, and a big thank you to auntie kim who got me this very very fit charmmy kitty box from japan! i love it!
You know we still love each other...
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`8:30 AM]
-
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
What day is it?
And in what month,
this clock never seemed so alive,
i cant keep up
and i cant back down
ive been losing so much time this is totally out of character, so be warned.
it's been 5 months and beyond with him.
i've never shared our story with anyone in particular, just bits and pieces here and there, but something intangible, perhaps Love, has gripped me so tight in the past days that i'm starting to think this could really be it. and it seems that my girlfriends have all given their stamp of approval, perhaps even more than that, and it means alot to me because they have never approved of anyone totally so far.
and perhaps because it's renewed faith,passion,love, that something i cannot put my finger on- i've decided to mention a lil something about him and us today.
we met backstage at a bridal showcase,albeit not in the best way possible.
me: -sobbing incessantly into wads of tissue and mascara running in black rivers-
a: hey, are you okay?
me: -looks up and bursts into fresh floods- NO... my boyfriend..no my ex-boyfriend..h..ee..hic...he...-goes off in a trail of incoherent wailing and bouts of sobs-
a: do you need tissue?
me: yes please, if you don't mind, thank you very much.
a:-hands it over and sits next to me quietly-
me: -dabs carefully and touches up makeup- are you my partner?
a: im afraid yes. you're danielle right?
me: yeah. i hope everything goes good, the shoes are too big for me, i can't seem to balance.
a: now that you do not have to worry about. i'll catch you if you should fall. and i'll hold on to you tight.
through the rim of my smoky tear-filled eyes, he kept to his word, held on tightly on to my hand and led me out onstage.each time we made it backstage and he saw tears starting to form again, he'd pat my hand and say as a bride, i was sure a tearful one. somehow he gave me the confidence to laugh it off and say it was tears of joy , and to walk gracefully on 5.5 inch heels that made me really wobbly even standing.
our friendship took off from there. he called me after the show to check in on me, and through mutual friends we became pretty good friends.
some of the things that i wanna say
just arent coming out rite
im tripping on words
you got my head spinning
i dont know where to go from here and perhaps unwittingly, unwillingly my broken heart did heal, and the momentum between us changed. and there are many sweet memories forged between us,which i will not speak of since it remains private to me and him. and yes i was never the best girlfriend, to the point of being laissez-faire, with many memories clouding over conflicting emotions.
theres something about you now
i cant quite feel your arms
everything he does is beautiful
and everything she does is rightmany times this has been so surreal because he's so perfect, and everything's so perfect as well. he is perfect on paper-he's smart(from the top schools and now the top college in london doing cardiology), he's athletic, and he's good-looking to boot. but that's not it. he's kind,caring and has a big heart-he's given and given, and never asked for anything more. perhaps he is the yang whilst i am yin- he's my polar opposite. he soothes my frazzled nerves and fiery temperament with his calm and collected coolness, and his learned and mature attitude to life has come in line with my changed outlook.
our relationship is of a completely different level and dimension to what i've ever experienced before. it's a complete different take on what my view of a perfect relationship was, but yet it is a perfect one. and then comes the issue of trust. words fail me, but the faith i have in him, and what he's proved himself to be allows me to trust him explicitly. and he trusts me too, because though it's not been the longest while we've been together, we just understand each other inside out. the silence between us speaks a thousand words, and i need not speak for him to understand me. such is our bond.
i suffer from acute boyfriend's-mom-itis, undoubtedly fuelled by the bad experience i had. and perhaps i've taken into the private life, so i've always shied away from meeting his parents. cherry was addressing this topic today, and she thought i ought to meet his mom because she's totally for him, and it'd be good for us to meet each other's parents. but he knows how afraid i am, and he wanted me to meet his mom, so he totally surprised me. his mom gave me a buzz today, and she put my fears to rest. she's fantastic, and we talk the shrum. she's extremely sweet. i love her already though we haven't met.
my disengagement from this relationship should be put to a rest. there have been many issues that have kept me from giving this my all, but perhaps it's time to really bury it for good. i am growing to love him more and more each day, and i know i want this to work out. cliched as it may sound, i love him.
waves hi to ashley.
i love you.
cause its you and me
and all of the ppl with nothin to do
nothin to lose
and its you and me
and all of the ppl
and i dont know why
i cant keep my eyes off you need to change one pair of the adidas shoes. i ordered 2 of the same pairs in different colours- one pair for my mom from my own earned money. i make it a point to buy my parents stuff with the money i earn. it's nothing compared to what they have given me. anyhow i received both pairs in the same colour and mom doesn't want it, so i have to go back and change it. or is anyone interested in a pair of bronze yoga shoes in size 6.5? it's gorgeous i promise.
can't decide on where to go on sunday. shangri la or corduroy&finch? decisions, decisions. which one's better?
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`8:21 AM]
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Monday, October 10, 2005
Say hello to the girl that I am
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected
There must be another way
Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God, I need some answersi've embarked on my new diet.
all hail the yoghurt diet.cherry thinks that i should not unveil my secret but hey i'm doing it to help yellow flubber.i don't bear any ill-will, so it's really up to "sheet"(she-he-it) to take my advice. i've discovered the existence of ski double up yoghurt. it's absolutely gorgeous, and it makes you gorgeous. my fridge's entirely stocked up with it, and i eat these in replacements for meals. hopefully it'll work it's magic in a week.
the school brochure. so i'm quite stuck between taiji and elementary sword tactics as a elective. there's parties quite a few times a year and it's located in the main shopping district so it seems to be quite a fun school.
my application form. it's undecided on whether i'll live at the hostel or not. and i've found a guardian so everything's going well. daddy says i still have to come back after my studies to look after my pooch, but i'm rather doubtful if it'll stil lbe alive after 10 years. yes, that's how long my full course is gonna take. i don't exactly plan on coming back for holidays either. but we'll see really. i'll miss the dog, and all of you.
we're still together. it's been a little more than 5 months, and i do miss him dearly.
danni: so if i really went on, would you have grabbed me at the altar and slapped me silly?
cherry: slapped? i'd scream and pray and do EVYERTHING to stop you.
danni: really?
cherry: YES.
danni: thank god we didn't have to go to that length. anyway, if i do take off at the altar away from ashley, promise me you'll grab me and drag me down by any lengths and stop me from running away.
we're in for the long-haul. so ladies he's completely mine. and i do trust him fully too. i'm sorry if my rather vague entries have given false thoughts, but we're very much together and very happy as well. the entries are about someone else really. and maybe i don't go all goo-goo-ga-ga about him, but he's definitely on my mind, in my heart. and today,i've missed him more than ever.
i've got quite a number of extra tickets to mom's charity event. apparently her friends are buying the tickets, but they're donating it back to me so i get to bring friends. so anyone wants to go?
so i've received the adidas shoes. that makes it 4 new pairs of adidas shoes in total, and then there's my lacoste ones, and dozens of pumps and the beverly feldman swarovski sandals. oddly i'm still sticking to the normal ones i usually wear, and i keep forgetting that i have many other new ones waiting to be worn. i have like 103981023801 new pairs of shoes.i think i'll sell them. so people, if you want shoes, please get them from me.
i'm exercising my creative juices and i'm getting a few dresses tailored by some guy who does tailoring for YSL, hugo,armani and the likes. it'll be fun to see my creations come to life. hopefully they look good worn too. i'll probably sell them after. lace gowns and seafoam chiffon dresses on the way, anyone interested?
little india trip soon. it's a girls day out, and i'm truly looking forward to it. pretty boho bangles, here i come!
I don't need nobody
Tellin me just what I wanna
What I what what I'm gonna
Do about my destiny
I Say No
Nobody tell me just what what what I wanna do
I'm so fed up with people telling me to be
Someone else but me
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danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`10:14 AM]
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