ANNOYING INDEX:
1. when your things keep getting lost in your not-so-humongous designer handbag
2. when your ex crawls back to you and asks for another chance.sucker.
3. when you just keep having bad luck with buses.
4. when you keep meeting hypocrites and you have to just grin and bear it.
5. when people who don't know you at all proclaim you to be a delusional bitch and dedicate 1 whole bloody long blog entry to you. to dedicate a whole entry to some illusion in your bird brain. now who's really delusional? im talking about you ST**H. you are so damn fugly ok.i don't want to be associated with you. major yuck?!
6. reading the blog of your ex. it either makes you extremely depressed, or extremely annoyed. right now im feeling the latter.
7. when your exam results are out tomorrow.
8. when you have exactly 1 day to this ball and you have nothing to wear.
9. when you finally find something to wear, but the salesgirl happily chirps up that there's only 1 piece of this dress and it has been worn by sharon au and steph sun. and of course they have been photographed in it. well my dear salesgirl, apparently steph sun is so so so gentle and ladylike till she tore the dress. and who wants to be photographed in a dress that has been seen for the 3rd time?
10. when you realise that the school cheats you of 1 week's holiday and the rest are taken up by photo shoots when you specifically asked for a break.
im feeling extraordinarily bitchy today.
fucking annoyed by all that's happening.
raaaahs.
anyways.
i know i've been feeling rather morose and whiny about the breakup.
-proceeds to sniffle,whip out a tissue,blow her nose with a loud honk and wail in hokkien about the mistreatment received by KEE JINGWEN.-
so here are my methods of combating the heartache.
1.
bite your nails in true misery and let your nails just crumble and die. let them reflect your helplessness.
2.
go crazy and do the stork walk in town. attract all the attention you can get and hopefully, you'll receive free admission to Hougang Chalet.
3.
cover your face to hide the tears. and be in complete total utter denial. after all, you are supposedly delusional. RIGHT STEPHANIE?! -raises eyebrows menacingly-
4.
if you want to come across as fantastically happy of ridding yourself of such a lump of *beep beep beep beep* @#*(!(@&(# moronic blubber, but find yourself unable to do so, use a phallic-shaped object,preferably something that points upwards at both ends, and pretend to have a fake smile plastered on. phallic-shaped objects like the banana can be particularly useful when you are single. phallic-shaped bananas are rich in vitamins and ensure that you do not stumble helplessly in your jimmy choos upon the "les miserables" look. it is tres unfashionable and phallic shaped bananas avoids that look quite effectively. -oy what are you thinking of har? i am not so cheeee-ko like you one lorh!-
5.
gorge yourself crazy on rich foods. after all, after 7 months of pure misery and heartache and food-stealing,-look at him and then look at me-, you deserve it. and as said above, the "les miserables" look is tres unfashionable and should be avoided at all costs. at least for this season my dear.
6.
share your misery with the entire neighbourhood. bang fanatically on your tres expensive piano. even better, go bo bice and toss your fekkai tresses to great effect. and remember to screech in hokkien in the highest decibels to share your misery with all the a-mahs,ah-umms,uh-peks and ahh-i-dunno-what-else-so-whoever's-in-the-vicinity-will-do. if you feel it's not loud enough, always get your friends to join in. karaoke sessions do wonders for the soul.-ah lians ah bengs, no need go k-box ok?-
7.
let your friends do the clearing out of physical trash for you. let them use the stuff he buys for you and insult them at the same time. if the gift turns out wonderfully gorgeous and useful, then use it to the greatest extent to hook yourself a new man.
8.
dress your dog as a pig when he's sleeping. let him have an identity crisis and share the helpless emotions you are going through now.
9.
go out at 1am for dinner and find nothing edible available. embrace ah-lian-ness by purchasing instant noodles at 7-11 and squatting by the roadside to eat. remember to wear havaianas and not jimmy choos.
10.
better still, eat haagen dazs after polishing off that bowl of instant noodles. all at 2am. so you cannot digest the fats in them and they have to be stored in your thighs.sometimes it's good to be more human and experience cellulite. NOT. but there's a reason why haagen dazs as a flavour called midnight cookies and cream.
11.
do a ritual cleansing of your room. find important missing things in the chaos of your room, and create more chaos in the process. remove your tables of your drawers. and you never know what you will find. for example, pictures of you and your ex. and then flop around in your cluttered bed and wallow in more misery.
12.
whack your dog for being male. kidding.
13.
turn lesbian. if men don't work for you, try something else baby. girls are waaaay better. they stink less, have more intellect, have higher EQ, and better dress sense. they just beat men hands down.
14.
kiss your dog. shower all the love you can on him.
15.
forge a stronger relationship with your pet. they are always there and they forgive you no matter what. and they look way better than men. well ok, certain men. then again, anything looks better than kee jingwen.
16.
grow hair on your face so you become unrecognisable. and your blemishes will be instantly covered up as well.
17.
ram yourself again the wall and pray that you'll disappear. or in times of severe denial, take the wall to be your ex. anyway, talking to your ex = talking to the wall. so why not talk to the wall anyway? it looks much better too.
18.
spend more time with your loved ones. they offer you comfort and strength when you need it. and of course, free clothes.
19.
let your bessie whack you to your senses. and you know the saying about prince charmings saving damsels in distress? well, you just never know do you.
20.
find a sugar daddy. preferably under 35, handsome, smart and very very GENEROUS. and as demostrated by cherry here, we do not mean daddys who can supply us with SUGAR. as you can see, we have enough SUGAR for ourselves. we prefer property,car,cash,house,credit cards,debit cards,shares,stocks,anything worth money. all you sugar-daddy wannabes of cherry or danni or even both, please apply at iamsuchahornycheekopek@hornybastardsunited.com.
21.
be violent. tear up all the pics you have of your ex and you. are you sure you want evidence of you dating such a loser lying around? look at the picture again. doesn't the mere presence of him next to you make you look so much less hot?! get rid of this officious thing. fast.
22.
let cupid visit you again. the sweet pink heart-shaped balloons are so adorable.
22.
flip through a magazine and shriek at each turn of the page. if you realise that you know 50% of the hotties mentioned in the magazine, apparently your social life isn't such a disaster after all. better still, these hotties are single and available. time to take action. and as seen above, that's wilson,aaron and -ahaha i can't believe this- JW mentioned.
23.
make your boyfriend and his mate-who's also a very good friend of yours- wear makeup and parade around in all glory. laugh at their silliness but willingness to make you smile. and love your newfound love like you've never been hurt before.
24.
if all fails
laugh at...
-caution: graphic shown may be too gross for viewing.-
this.
oh sheesh so terifically yummy ain't he.
girls, he's single and available.
his merit points are that he's fucking rich, fucking brainless so you can cheat him of his money, fucking horny but unbelievably lousy in bed, and he's really so fucking intellectual that he can't even spell can't. his life consists of hating danni and blaming her for everything unfortunate that befalls him, and going on and on and on about his undying love for jenna. WONDERFUL. i tell you he's a really faithful lover. oh did i mention he's fucking good at lying as well? i'm pretty darned convinced he's condemned to eternal damnation. maybe not. after all, he's a
SAINT what. wah liao eh i must tell you arh, my 7 months with him were terrific man. he gave me all the emotions i have never felt before. so mind-blowing. -phwoar- he makes me wanna rip his rectum out so his shit goes out the other way and punch his non-existent balls fucking hard i swear. see? i told you he evokes all sorts of emotions i never knew existed in me. i cannot live without him lorh. he makes me feel like...MYSELF without him. then again, i love myself so much. so i like being without him lah. see all the party invites i get? aiyoh my sugarpop babylove ah, money don't buy you popularity and class leh. so sad hor. never mind lah, you can continue drinking yourself under the table at chinablack with the chiobus and yandaos lah. it's tres cool you know. and baggy jeans and hair-profile styled hair is tres 1600's lah. you are so cool leh. so RETRO! wah i like. oh my god my darling honeybunchkins i love you so much. you are so cool that i cannot stand being near you. so please hor, stay far far far away from me. i'm too uncool for you lah really.
you are full of shit. you are a fat tub of lard with no brains. what little brain cells you have are being even further clogged by the excessive fats in your body. you are a fugly creature. so fugly that no one, not even the best of imaginations would have dreamed up such a disgusting creature. you are fugly beyond comprehension, your fugliness can only be appreciated and comprehended by another just as fugly as you are. your balls, if they even exist, are sooo tiny and non-existent that even the tiniest of pinheads are a formidable match for your privates.
WARNING: YOU CALL ME ONE MORE TIME AND YOU WILL REALLY BE IN DEEP SHIT.
and please stop eating kfc for your own good. you might become so oily,the moment you stand up to walk, you immediately slip and fall on your own lard. i do not understand the point of your existence here on earth. you are simply a big fat waste of cells.but if you are looking for purpose in life, you might be happy to know that the one good purpose that you could actually serve, is as an example to people that wallowing in social faeces, gorging yourself on deep-fried food and drowning in your own self-pity causes you to be one extremely pathetic smudge of excrement,trampled underfoot by dogs, on cheapo toilet paper.now you know how pathetically shitty you are, why don't you just go and....DIE.
-cheryltay-
25.
never underestimate the power and love you get from your bessie. i love you cherrycakes!
and so,
concludes the 25 ways of kicking your ex's ass outta your life by danni.
hope you enjoyed it.
-wink-
P.S noting that i'm feeling fanatically faulty today, please do remember to take anything i say with a pinch of salt. it's just....i don't know. one of those days maybe. i told you lah. reading your ex's blog evokes extreme annoyance. can't help it. i know you all love me right right right?! -woeful begone puppy look-
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`10:01 AM]
-
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
he was as much himself again
as he would ever be
and yet
that "self" would never be the same again
for now he knew the meaning of fear
as it defines itself in its most violent form
that is
fear of the death of the beloved
of the loss of the beloved
of the loss of love.a beautiful quote i came across reading this lit text.
nights at the circus.it defines
so succinctly
what i've been struggling
to put in words.
if you're not the one
why am i crying on the bed?because i can't let go.
because i gave so much.
because what we shared was so beautiful.
because i felt the fear that gripped me so tight when you disappeared that night.
because you stood by me when our friends opposed us.
because you smiled whenever i sang that sunshine song to you.
because you let me know everything was gonna be a-okay when i stumbled the very first time i sang.
because my days were dictated just by your phone calls when you left for NY.
because you loved me without makeup on.
because i whispered my secrets to you.
because we fell asleep in each other's arms smiling everytime.
because prom night made me so sure you were the one.
because i was always there to try make things right.
because we always braved through rantings from your parents.
because i always loved shovelling food into your mouth.
because we always hid in a corner of the library, with you lying in my lap and drifting off to lala land.
because i gave you that horrible haircut just before i left for beijing.
because i turned pink each time you whispered i love you into my ear.
because we squeezed each other's hand when we needed strength to get through those boring lectures.
because you always waited for me no matter how long i took to get ready.
because i spent my days talking to the drink can by the stairway when you were in NY.
because i wiped away your tears, and you mine, at ella enchanted.
because you made me sigh in content each time you took me in your arms.
because i laughed each time you buried your face in my hair and emerged beaming.
because i scribbled " i love **" on each and every lecture note.
because i always put your interests above mine.
because it didn't matter how sick i got from working when you were gone.
because when you slipped that ring on my finger, i was yours.
because hearing your voice on the phone was enough.
because when you were not by my side, i'd whip out your photo and trace your face.
because i took up tennis for you.
because you made me laugh when you got up and shook that booty.
because i loved the expression you got when you found the nikes in your locker.
because you didn't let go when i slapped you for the very first time.
because when things were going bad, you gave me the optimism to carry it through.
because you were there when i thought i was gonna fall off and die on the ride in wild wild wet.
because you understood me inside-out.
because you always made the decision on where to eat.
because i was happy just cuddling up at home and watching movies on a rainy day.
because i loved writing notes to you.
because i loved popping by and waving hi in the middle of maths class.
because i loved turning around and giving you a quick peck when the teachers weren't looking.
because you made me smile inside when you told me your vision of a future with me.
because i always made you take a bath because you were so sweaty.
because i'd actually clip your toenails when they were long.
because i was yours completely.
because i believed in us.
because
i love you.
as a tear slid down my cheek
i whispered goodbye
in the salty ocean breeze.
it may have been a charade.
but the memories
fake as it may have been
have been stored in this
pretty pink box
locked with a silver key.
and there will be moments
moments when i'm all alone
huddled up under the sheets
tinkling on the ivories
getting my hair and makeup done
smiling and posing for the camera
strutting on the catwalk
mingling at parties
struggling to speak proper chinese in fudan
walking doobie
when i'll find the key
unlock the box
sift through the memories
hold the most cherished ones to my heart
and smile through the tears.
and i know
such memories
and sweet innocence
can never be found again.
"it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before."
i could have never agreed more.
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they wont disappear
I wish that time
Could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way
'cause I dont know
where your journey goes
or how long it takes to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart
I'm sorry that I hurt you
I took for granted all you gave so freely to me
I prayed it's not too late
To save you from a broken heart
To promise you I'll make a brand new start
Believe me when i say
You are all that I need
The only treasure I see
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night
When I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need
I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`8:28 AM]
-
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
So, we're talking forever
and you almost feel better
but, betters no excuse for tonight
you see, it's never bad enough
to just leave or give up
but, its never good enough to feel right
Now I'm lying on the table
with everything you said
it will all catch up eventually
well, it caught up and honestly
the weight of my decisions
were impossible to hold
but they were never yours
they were never yours a complete rollercoaster ride of emotions today.
from pure bumming around
to being a damsel in fashion distress
and some attempted raping from cheryltay
-she pulled me out of the closet where i was hiding and pushed me onto the bed,proceeded to pretend-slap me, screaming "ni zhe ge chou nu ren!" and then attempting to urh..do the deed.-
and finally
i was reduced to bittersweetsalty tears
when i peeked at the stairway.
and this is what lay on each step.
i didn't realise you took my comment to heart.
maybe i said it in a bout of wistfulness,nostalgia.
but like dandelions that scatter in the wind
i expected my words to just be said and forgotten.
i know you wanted to make me smile.
and baby i'm touched by what you did.
and maybe i should punch a hole in each one
and wear them on my neck.
but each one represents a different memory
nothing of you and me.
and maybe
it's better to keep it tucked away.
stuck in the middle of nowhere.
impossible to return to the past
yet i cant find it in myself to move forward.
i cant let go.
of everything that has happened so far.
nobody will really ever know how much i wanted
it.
quite possibly more than him
or even my conscious self.
i just wanted something to show for what i gave.
months of heartbreak and swimming against the tide,
something to show for all this.
something to show for where i am today.but sadly,
i don't have a single item to count for it.
kicked aside just like that.
what is that i ask you.do you know how badly you want something
and you can see it so clearly in your mind's eye?
i saw it.but one mistake killed it all.
and just like that.
my picture was broken by the scars on my wrist.
and thats all it'll ever be.
just a dream.
just an unfulfilled dream. i loved you.
i love you.but that's all there'll ever be to it.
which also leads me to think of this convo i had with libby.
it kinda goes like this:
libby: danni...he went for some other girl. by the name of ***siew.
danni: what??! oh my. anyway her name sounds suspiciously like charsiew.
libby: look at her friendster profile. -gives profile addy-
danni: urh. uhrm. urrrrh. well. she needs work on the hair, the face and the character. which basically means everything.extreme makeover.
libby: don't be so mean la. she seems like a nice person.
at this point, libby's in complete denial of her own self-worth, and whatever mean stuff that danni says, she means. and it's not because libby's her bestest baby in the whole wide world, but it's just honest-to-goodness truth. cross her heart and hope to die. but ***siew, danni doesn't hold any grudges towards you really.
libby: he went for her. which means she must be nice and pretty.
danni: don't kid yourself. she looks friggin auntie, and she apparently has zero spunk. i don't know why c******e would actually go for her. i mean, just a day after you two broke up. she's a total rebound babe.
libby: so why would he go for her if she's not better than me?
danni: look. if he wants charsiew, let him have charsiew. being the greedy pigs and cheapos neanderthal men really are, obviously charsiew appeals to them more, being urh, cheaper fattier food that really appeals to their cavemen carnivorous instincts.
we are tiramisus. and obviously it takes classier and refined men to appreciate the tiramisus that we are. he's shown amply that he's nothing but an ordinary caveman. and he's succumbed to fats. so let him choke and die from all that cholesterol.
and that, concludes danni's charsiew vs. tiramisu theorem.
and i guess it serves as a bloody good reminder
that i've picked a wonderful boyfriend
who keeps in mind the things i say
and would actually learn to fold hearts for me
when he should be studying
how to cut hearts up.
-no pun intended-
the pleading
the begging
the slapping
the kneeling
the chasing
the sobbing
the slashed wrist.
those are in the past.
and like snowflakes in the new spring air
they'll dissolve into nothing.
Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`9:03 AM]
-
Monday, May 23, 2005
i'm sitting at home on a perfectly good monday.
i'm feeling friggin fanatically faulty.
fuck.
i've been having this urge to read recently.
but all i have at home are the same old books that i've read 10000 times already.
i could read my lit texts
but its just not the same as reading a novel without all sorts of annotations crammed into the page distracting you.
and just being able to READ without analysing or identifying this literary device or whatever shit.
there are some days you dont know whether to label good or bad.
and some times when you dont even know
whether to feel happy or sad or nothing at all.
so i guess the next best thing is to make a choice to be happy.
anyway.
here's some photos to break away from my kitty skin.
after makeup and running about. i hate the blue eyeshadow. it totally spells M-A-M-A-S-A-N.
goodbye to my flat and limp tresses. i HATE hairspray. it makes me feel super icky and i hate the fumes that spurt out from the can. but it's a must to use hairspray on shoots. so this is me after hair's done. and again i just had to take a walk. sitting down for hours straight drives me crazy.i'm a hyper duracell bunny!
caught mervyn having a haircut! he goes to my absolute favourite hairstylist now. kevin foo is a godsend.
finally some chow. i woke up really late so i didn't have the time to eat. mervyn, well, he just eats a hell lot, whether he's hungry or not.
anyone wants mervyn neo ce tao? he's a SNAG. he's shy,sensitive,and a lil kooky at times. but he makes a wonderful friend. girls, he's a fantastic catch.
see? mervyn's such a hottie.
and i'm hungry again. coffee club serves the most wonderful country pie.
ladies should always down their h2o. -gulp-
grocery shopping's therapeutic. i have this thing for american junk food. and i'm such a cheapo that i eat everything,including the packaging before reaching the payment counters so i can shirk payment.
ever-greedy danni thinks she should take more.
sponsors, please do note that danni eats the really sugary cereals only. those who are considering sending bran or wheat cereals, i'd love it if you can forward them to the horse stables instead. i'm sure the horses would love them so so so much. danni's a normal teenager, so don't expect her to eat horse chow.
oh and danni would like sushi donations too! but no raw fish ones ok? danni doesn't eat fish. she hates their bug-eyes and scaly skin and dead metallic look. plus, they stink real bad.
esprit sale! it was so crazy, that queues were snaking out into just to get into the shop. and people actually queued for hours just to get a foot in the door and browse around, and then queued even more just to pay for items. all in all, most customers queued at least 3 hrs to get their stuff. what a waste of time. but danni's a sweet and nice angel so she helped out. for free. her mommy's a slave driver she swears. after a day of running about and photo shoots and continous harassment from barkin customers,she decides that she's really too tired to climb the stairs for the 1000th time so daddy gives her a ride up and down instead. fyi, danni ended up with a sprained ankle from all that running around the next day.
we only managed to close at 1.30am. so here's me,mommy,daddy and mommy's business partner eating "brekkie-dinner" at 2.30am.
4.30am. danni's so damn tired she takes a banana and a pear as the telephone and proceeds to call doobie from there.
finally back and doobie greets me in the early morning with a dazed look.
so it's quite apparent
that i've not gotten my much-needed rest ever since the exams ended.
i really need that breather soon.
and i know you are waiting for this.
EUGENE WUyou kaypoh
stop poking around in my blog.
-hug hug hug-
i love your razr v3.
i'm still convinced you stole it from my daddy.
oh and here's a test shot i got from the dior shoot
the best part about modelling?
i don't have to bother dressing up for work.
i can wake up a lil later
run out of my house in my sweats
without doing any makeup or hair
and there will be a team of stylists to transform me
into a different person each day.
i love my sweats so much.
i'd just live in them.
i know they are friggin paris hilton
but seriously.
sweats are a godsend.
they keep you warm and comfy
in stormy weather
and you can dress them up or down anytime.
they are just so so so perfect.
round and round the garden like a teddy bear
one step; two step
i'll stab you under there.
-
danni blows a raspberry right at you.
[`7:58 AM]
-